Got a letter from my dad. Heapos;s retired and moved down to North Carolina. Wanted to write me a letter before he went. ... I donapos;t really know what to make of it. He basically says that itapos;s my fault weapos;re not talking. That he understands I need my space, and that if I ever change my mind heapos;ll be there for me. Which I kinda feel like itapos;s a slap in the face. The two years leading up to this incident, Iapos;d call him on Fatherapos;s Day, on his birthday, on Christmas, and say hey, letapos;s do lunch or something. He never returned my calls. Didnapos;t want anything to do with me. Then at Christmas two years ago, he finally agreed to let me come over. Sat me down for a talk. Said that he didnapos;t like our relationship and that we needed to fix it. On his terms. But that I had to make the effort. I think he wanted us to be best buddies. That was never going to happen. The other option, he said, was that we never speak again. So that was that. And now this letter, he says that he was hurt my decision that day. I didnapos;t make the fucking decision. He did. ... I donapos;t know what to do. Iapos;m going to think it over and write him back. I really donapos;t know what happens from here though. I donapos;t want to talk to him again. Because I donapos;t know what weapos;d say to each other. I donapos;t know how we fix this. I donapos;t want this. I never did. ... God dammit.
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